Oh how I miss you! I miss you all the time in small moments when something reminds me of you but it's the times when something big is about to happen that I find myself looking for you. What I would give to have you here again! You were so special to me...the word grandmother just doesn't seem special enough to explain what you were to me. You always made me feel and believe I was so special and important and everyone needs someone like you in their life!
You are my example when I think of the best person someone could be and it makes me smile and breaks my heart all at the same time because I know I will never be as wonderful as you! But I don't think anyone will ever be (at least in my eyes). I honestly don't think I will ever meet another person that is as selfless, kind, loving, and just all together good as you.
The way you loved The Lord makes me cry. I have so many memories of you telling me "if it's The Lord's will" or "the lord knows Ashley, He'll never leave you" or "he's not forgot about you" .... Or when I was at your house terrified of the tornado warning and I asked you "aren't you scared?" And you calmy said "nah Ash, why the Lord's driving that thing." You had real faith...even when things were scary or bad you stood firm.
I miss you running up to my room and bursting through the door waking me up on a Saturday morning squealing because you were so excited to see me. Then letting me get all the spare change out of your car...it's the little goofy things I miss so much. Like you teaching me to drive in your car, peeling a whole cantaloupe and eating it, you rubbing my back and hair while I went to sleep, the way you'd tell me "you girls are beautiful and it's not because your mine, sorry to tell ya." Or the time me and Heath came in from a Tim McGraw concert at 12am and mentioned we were hungry so you just whipped us up some fried chicken and greasy taters...then said "this'll have to do," like you were feeding us a sandwich or something. :)
I grieve the fact that you couldn't meet my girls. It's not fair because I know you would adore them. And I know they would LOVE you! Allie Kate would make you laugh until you cried and we would get to hear a lot of "oh, Lord" and "oh no Hun, don't say that!" Because she is just like me and I got to hear it all the time :)
Even though Allie has never met you she knows your name and asks me questions about you..."do you miss her momma?" "Are you gonna hug your rue when you get to heaven"...
I'm also scared of what you'd think of me as a mom because while I know you would still love me you told is how it was as would let me know it if you didnt like something. And I'm pretty sure my little girls would be the new apple of your eye and I'd be their mean old momma that made them take a bath when "it isn't hurtin a thing that they don't have one this time."
You aren't just special to me...anytime I talk about you or just randomly Heath will say "I wish your rue was here, we'd make her come stay with us" or "she was the sweetest lady." Anyone who spent 5 minutes with you loved you.
I guess as I prepare everything for baby boy to come I find myself missing you a little extra wishing on everything you were still here! But I also know you wouldn't come back even if you could because you are celebrating in heaven. I guess dreams will have to do for now where I get to see you often :) I love and miss you my sweet rue.
Love,
Your aysh
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